Down here at the Pawn Shop....

Some people have called me an "English snob"; I don't believe I agree with them. I think that when amongst friends and family, strict language rules can be relaxed. I do believe however, that using correct English is the key to effective communication in our society.

While working at the pawn shop today, a man asked me "Ya'll ain't got no fifteens?". I immediately started analyzing what he was attempting to say. My question to you is this, exactly how many grammatical errors are in that one sentence? I counted at least four:

1) "ain't" - common slang for common idiots. Sometimes when people say this I like to ask them "Exactly what two words are you trying to contract?". This inevitably leads to a frustrated look and under-the-breath insults, which is alright with me. If I could hear what they had said, I would probably have more terrible English to translate, this sort of thing could snowball out of control.

2) "got" - is he asking me where I "got" something or whether I "have" something? My best guess is that he has no idea what he is asking for, he is just pretty sure I don't have it...er.... "got" it.

3) "no" - another common mistake for common idiots. The word he is looking for is "any", although I suppose his crusade to find "dope" stereo equipment has left him too fatigued for such an exhaustive search for the correct words to use.

4) "ain't + no" - used in conjunction, I believe they form a double negative. That would mean he actually thinks I do have the item he seeks. Now this is the one I'm confused about, because since "ain't" is not a word, then I guess I am just assuming that it is the first negative. You know what they say about assumptions....

Now some might say a fifth error exists. "Ya'll" is very ugly English no matter what, but I believe that if it is actually spelled "y'all" then it is a valid contraction. Since I could not "see" the words he was using and how he would spell them, he gets a pass.

I love my job(s)!

Prologue: At the moment he asked me the question above, I had 6 shotguns and 2 rifles to my left, 6 semi-automatic pistols to my right, I'm just saying....